i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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