8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
