So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....