closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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