he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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