I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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