Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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