I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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