I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
