I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
