So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
