Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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