There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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