just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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