i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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