I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
