drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
