I cannot find my penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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