I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
