well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
