it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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