Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
