I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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