i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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