It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
