I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
