so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This is my gift to your gina
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
