So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
