My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
