just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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