What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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