I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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