walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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