Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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