They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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