We're like a lot better than the average bears
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
