I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You need a sexual gate keeper
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
