He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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