I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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