Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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