so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
