I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
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I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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