If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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