I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
