I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
