I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
