The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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