Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
