I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
