I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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