so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
