It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
