just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
