How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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