i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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