I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
