Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
