I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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