my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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