dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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